Sadly, most of us don’t have the luxury of support or knowledge to make these ‘alternative’ choices. But that’s changing. For context, here is some basic language that might be helpful.

• Do-it-yourself or “at-home” body-care:

This involves washing, preparing, and sometimes dressing the body of the deceased. It is a powerful act of service, love, connection, integration, and completion.

• Do-it-yourself or “at-home” vigil:

Keeping watch or holding a vigil in the hours or days after the passing of a loved one and before the funeral service, is a beautiful way to create a ‘wake’ that honors the spirit of the deceased and gathers the community together. This practice creates a shared space for grieving, storytelling, and celebrating the life lived, fostering a community healing process.

• Do-it-yourself or “at-home” funeral services:

Conducting a custom funeral service allows for a highly personalized tribute to the deceased. It can be tailored to reflect the unique life and preferences of the departed, incorporating favorite music, readings, and personal anecdotes that resonate with the community and the individual’s preferences and legacy.

• Do-it-yourself burial:

Choosing to carry out a burial within a familiar environment and within a context that is meaningful can be incredibly nourishing, especially during a time of grief. It often underscores a return to simplicity and nature, often allowing for more environmentally friendly options like natural burials, where the body is returned to the earth in a biodegradable manner.

In addition, incorporating elements of at-home death care can be a profound choice, but it’s important to recognize that it’s not the only or even the perfect choice for everyone. There are a long list of circumstances and variables that can prevent any and all of these things from happening easily.

Legal regulations, personal comfort levels, access to support systems, knowledge about options, and other variables play crucial roles in determining if this approach is feasible.

There are aspects of these things that you can incorporate into traditional hospital and funeral home systems in conjunction with the staff at these institutions.

It may take some education and cooperation. However, finding an ally or advocate who is literate in these alternative systems is a really good resource!

Right now I’m in the midst of a deep dive (for the last time) that is my 13-week End of Life Preparation Immersion Course where I teach two full weeks on this topic themed as: Returning the Vessel and Caring for the Dead.