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The In Between State – Best Article on growing ourselves up by Pema Chodron.
Internal Family Systems is all about parts work.
Quote from Thich Naht Hahn: “If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.”
What really determines your type is your core motivations (Good article here). Dig down deeper into some of the core motivations of the types you scored highest on. Only you can really know because you live inside of you.
According to Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson, here are the names of the types:
Type 8 – with 7 wing is called the non-conformist and with a 9 wing is called the diplomat.
Type 9 – with 1 wing is called the negotiator and with a 8 wing is called the advisor.
Type 1 – with 9 wing is called optimist and with 2 wing is called activist.
Type 2 – with 1 wing is called the companion and with a 3 wing is called the host.
Type 3 – with 2 wing is called the enchanter and with a 4 wing is called the expert.
Type 4 – with 3 wing is called the enthusiast and with a 5 wing is called the free spirit.
Type 5 – with 4 wing is called the philosopher and with a 6 wing is called the troubleshooter.
Type 6 – with 5 wing is called the guardian and with a 7 wing is called the confidant.
Type 7 – with 6 wing is called the pathfinder and with a 8 wing is called the opportunist.
Direction of Stress: 1→4→2→8→5→7→1 and 9→6→3→9
When moving in our Direction of Stress…
Direction of Growth: 1→7→5→8→2→4→1 and 9→3→6→9
Soul Child When moving in their Direction of Growth…
Please remember that the world view of each type is where suffering comes from. Their perspective is a very very compelling illusion. As we see this in ourselves and others, we can start to have compassion that we’re all struggling against big stuff.
Worldview: Looks out on a world (outer and inner) and believe that is unfair, brutal and unjust.
Therefore: In response, they decide that they must bring strength and fairness to the world.
Their defense system says: If I am strong, protective, and in charge I won’t feel the pain of a brutal world.
They desire: Being self-governed / being independent / being sovereign
They fear: Being controlled / being harmed
How does it look: They move through the world as self-confident, decisive, dominating, and confrontational in order to not feel vulnerable or be harmed. It can look like a take charge demeanor. Which is sometime intimidating and impulsive to others. These folks like oversized lives with strong opinions, big energies, and willingness to fight for what they want.
Worldview: Looks out on a world (outer and inner) and believe that they don’t matter.
Therefore: In response, they decide to erase their own feelings, minimize their experience, and numb themselves to their own needs.
The defense system says: If I forget myself and care about the agendas of other people then I won’t feel the loss of not mattering.
They desire: Being at peace / being harmonious / COMFORTABLY NUMB
They fear: Needing to take action. Feeling their own desires. Getting angry.
How does it look: They move through the world seeking flow, comfort, ease, and being agreeable. This can look like letting others drive the train. It can be stable but also can be laisse faire (complacent, lazy, stubborn). The phrase “falling asleep to the self” to keep the peace.
Worldview: Looks out on a world (outer and inner) and believe that there is chaos and error.
Therefore: In response, they decide to reform, improve, fix, and perfect it.
Their defense system says: If I am responsible and strive to make things right then I won’t feel the pain of the chaos of the world.
They desire: Being good / being right
They fear: Being bad / being wrong
How does it look: These folks move through the world principled, purposeful, self-controlled, upstanding. They have strong inner and outer critics. They struggle with anger, feeling it but trying to suppress it, denying it. They are perfectionists and there’s no end to things that need perfecting in themselves and others and the world.
Worldview: Looks out on a highly relational world and believes that people have a lot of needs.
Therefore: In response, they decide they in order to experience connection with others they must help them meet their needs.
Their defense system says: If I provide for, support, and nurture others I will ensure that I am ultimately loved, liked, valued, and accepted.
They desire: To be wanted, adored, cared for.
They fear: Being needy themselves. Appearing greedy. Being unloved and not wanted.
How does it look: They move through the world as generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing, and possessive. They focus on others: track them, feel them, see them, and stay one step ahead of their needs. They overgive by becoming indispensable. Caring for others is the primary focus of their lives in part to earn the right to be loved in return. They can lose and neglect themselves. It can sometimes appear as invasive or manipulative because they force others to receive their efforts so that they can earn the love.
Worldview: Looks out on a world and believes that those who are successful gain approval.
Therefore: In response, they decide that their sense of value is based on what they can achieve and how important they are.
Their defense system says: If I do whatever it takes to be my best, I will garner approval and acceptance from others.
They desire: Being accomplished
They fear: Being worthless or failing
How does it look: They move through the world as hard workers, always positive, very efficient, confident, unflappable, driven, ambitious, competitive. They prioritize impressing others, being seen as important by others. They tend to have a lot of energy, spinning many plates, offer a wide skill set, and care about their image. They can live their lives addicted to performing in order to be validated as existing. Others can sometimes see them as arrogant and inaccessible.
Worldview: Looks out on a world and see that it’s missing important and meaningful components. That it’s not representing the depth of connection, beauty, coherence, and wholeness that they know exists.
Therefore: In response, they decide to imagine an ideal and compare it to reality. This stokes the fires of disappointment, melancholy, and longing.
Their defense system says: If I feel the pain of what’s missing, I can feel it, express it, and bring it to life.
They desire: To be special, authentic, understood, and unique
They fear: The mundane, the ordinary, the ugly, the normal
How does it look: They move through the world with a lot of emotional intensity, aka drama. They can be expressive, romantic, withholding, and temperamental. They are fueled by suffering, they are deep, sensitive, empathetic. They are trying to convey their version of the world. They are often artists, writers, painters, dancers, but also therapists and educators who can convey depth, complexity, and nuance.
Worldview: Looks out on a world and see that it’s a very messy, demanding, draining, and overwhelming place.
Therefore: In response, they decide to protect themselves from being invaded. They do this by detaching from the human world, conserving their time, energy, and space, in order to feel safe.
Their defense system says: If I maintain boundaries, distance, privacy, and practice self sufficiency and observation, I won’t be depleted.
They desire: To be at a distance, observing. To be capable, knowledgeable.
They fear: Overwhelm and invasion by human drama. Not knowing and being incapable
How does it look: Move through the world as perceptive, cerebral, detached, and isolated. They spend a lot of time on withdrawing and withholding. The fear of messy humans has them focus on thinking, reading, learning, or analyzing which they perceive as less likely to deplete them. They often put themselves apart from others by having special wisdom or knowledge.
Worldview: Looks out on the world and believes that it can’t be trusted and is unsafe.
Therefore: In response, they decide to scan their environment and everything in it to protect themselves and others from potential harm. They also feel the need to align themselves with like minded others for safety in numbers.
Their defense system says: If I prepare for the worst I won’t be taken by surprise and if I’m loyal to others, I won’t be alone in a dangerous world.
They desire: Being secure and safe. Predictability and security.
They fear: Being without support and guidance.
How does it look: They move through the world as reliable, committed, defensive, and suspicious. They are on the lookout for problems, hidden agendas, and incongruities. They’re often suspicious of everything and everyone. They gather information, like to plan and prepare, and are problem solvers. They are loyal to an extreme, often aligning with groups and taking on the mantel of that group to make sure they align. Membership as part of a group is often central to their lives (republican party, fraternity, religion). They struggle with authority and often place large importance on people’s status (Because I am small in the face of a big world, authority lies outside of me and I place an outsized importance on other people’s power).
Worldview: Looks out on the world and believes that it will limit their options, curtail their freedom and cause painful experiences.
Therefore: In response, they decide to chase freedom, consume experiences, seek pleasure and explore unlimited opportunities.
Their defense system says: If I keep moving, focus on adventure, avoid negativity and boredom, and engage my curious mind, I will always feel pleasure and aliveness and I can avoid emotional pain, being stuck, and feeling fears.
They desire: Being curious, craving experiences, seeking satisfaction.
They fear: Being deprived, being trapped or stuck, feeling fear
How does it look: Moves through the world as upbeat, spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and excessive. They have curious minds and stay mentally sharp. They are focused on stimulation and fun, seeking pleasure, and jumping into the next experience. It looks like intoxicating activities, gluttony (consuming experience), future living, reframing difficulties to positive outcomes, best case scenario thinking. The three ring circus of life kind of living, they avoid emotions and challenges.
Truity created this image and they have a great site and test.
INTEGRATION: When we’re within our window of tolerance, safe, happy, and fulfilled with go in the direction of the green arrows.
DISINTEGRATION: When we’re stressed, upset, or in reaction, we can go in the red arrows.
Blow it up big with this link.
Take it with a grain of salt. Different studies say different things.
Types 8, 9, & 1 are in the gut or instinct center and thus take in and process the world via their instincts.
Types 2, 3, & 4 are in the heart or feeling center and thus take in and process the world via their feelings.
Types 5, 6, & 7 are in the head or thinking center and they take in and process the world with their thinking.
Types 7, 9, & 2 are in the Positive Outlook group and they have a positive view when faced with conflict.
Types 4, 6, and 8 are Intensity types or sometimes called Reactive types.
Types 1, 3, & 5 are in the Competency group and will put away their feelings in order to move forward.
Types 1, 2, & 6 are in the Compliant or Dependent or Duty Focused group and they are comply towards others to get what they desire.
Types 4, 5, & 9 are in the Withdrawn group and they withdraw away from others to get what they desire.
Types 3, 7, & 8 are in the Assertive/Aggressive group and they insist by moving against people to get what they desire.
Types 1, 4, & 7 are in the Idealist group and they all hold an ideal vision of how the world could be.
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