I’ve always been a seeker, a relentless questioner, driven by an insatiable curiosity. This inquisitiveness has been the one thread woven through every stage of my life, guiding me from a childhood shrouded in death illiteracy to a midlife rich with death curiosity and a deepening spiritual journey based on embodied dying practices.

Growing up in working class American suburbs, death was a rare and distant occurrence. When it did touch our lives, it was handled with the formality of funeral homes, hushed tones, and formal wakes. I remember asking questions, desperate to understand, but answers were scarce, often wrapped in euphemisms or simply met with silence. The air around death was heavy, laden with avoidance and fear.

As I grew older, I yearned for something real, something tangible and tactile that made sense in this world. This yearning led me to the path of building an ecovillage, a community where we chose to reclaim every aspect of our lives—from constructing our own homes and utilities to producing our own food and creating our governance systems. It was a journey toward the “beauty ways,” paths filled with integrity, reciprocity, and embodied relatedness. We sought authenticity in every action, every decision, every relationship.

Then death came to our village. 

Six deaths over the course of two years shook us to our core. But in those moments, we applied what we knew best: our do-it-yourself attitudes and a commitment to heartful alignment and respect with all that is. We faced death head-on, not shying away but rather embracing it as a natural and profound part of our existence.

One of those deaths was Kimchi’s. She guided us through her own passing with a grace and wisdom that was nothing short of transformational. Her journey awakened something within me, something that felt like a calling I was born to follow. It was as if the veil had lifted, revealing a path I had always been destined to walk.

Now, in midlife, this path has evolved into a deep contemplation on the mystical aspects of existence. I have come to realize that pondering death is the best high there is. It brings clarity, gratitude, and a profound connection to the mysteries of life and death. It is a contemplation that enriches my soul, fuels my spirit, and grounds me in the beauty and impermanence of our fleeting existence.

As I continue this journey, 

I invite you to join me in this exploration. Let’s embrace our curiosity, face our fears, and walk this path together with open hearts and minds. Let’s find the beauty in all that is, living fully and authentically, in alignment with the cycles of life and death.